A girl I know took her own life last week. She grew up in our church and was part of our youth group during the earlier part of her high school years. I spent some time with her parents on Friday … crying, wondering, sharing stories, and crying some more. Lots of pain around this girl’s life and loss. Even though I didn’t know her real well, I grieve her death. I grieve her pain. I grieve at the thought of what she was going through to get to the point of wanting to end her own life.

It has my head spinning with self-doubt. Could I have invested more into her? Did I do my best to nurture her spiritual growth? Did I do my best to provide a safe and healthy community for her in our church? Could we (our church) have done more to help her transition into adulthood?

I’ll be giving the message at her memorial service this weekend. I’ll be surrendering my heart and thoughts to God’s will this week that I might provide the best care possible. You’re prayers are appreciated.

It’s emotionally exhausting to grieve. It’s even more exhausting to grieve and doubt.

Author: Jim Murphy

Associate Pastor | NextGen Ministries Covenant Church, Bemidji, MN

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